my-sweetest-darkness
thekingspawn4:


ASK ME! Fill that inbox!


1. Where are you from?
2. Has an anime ever made you cry?
3. Post a screenshot of your tumblr activity page
4. A musical artist you love that isn’t well known?
5. How would you describe your sense of humour?
6. Would you ever give up your life to save someone else’s?
7. Did you make any resolutions for this year? What were they?
8. Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own.
9. Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 3 songs
10. Can you curl your tongue?
11. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
12. Who would be your ideal partner?
13. Who is your favorite anime character?
14. Most used word?
15. Most used phrased?
16. Inspiration behind your URL?
17. Inspiration behind your blog title?
18. Is there something you would never do?
19. Is there anything you should be doing right now?
20. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?
21. If you could study anything, what would it be?
22. If money was no object, where would you move to?
23. If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
24. Have you ever online dated?
25. Have you ever been in love?
26. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
27. Favorite song?
28. Favorite food?
29. Favorite movie?
30. Favorite foreign food?
31. Are you ticklish?
32. Are you a good liar?
33. Are you pursuing your dreams?
34. Are you scared of the future?
35. Are you happy with who you are?
36. Are you a clean or messy person?
37. Are you a good judge of character?
38. Are you a very open or private person?
39. Are you more attracted to men or women?
40. How old are you?
41. How tall are you?
42. How did you get your name?
43. How many posts do you have?
44. How many posts have you liked?
45. How are you feeling right now?
46. How many followers do you have?
47. How would you like to be remembered?
48. Do you have a crush?
49. Do you want children?
50. Do you have any pets?
51. Do you play video games?
52. Do you have much of an ego?
53. Do you believe in soul mates?
54. Do you prefer to text or call? 
55. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
56. Do you like long or short hair?
57. Do actions speak louder than words?
58. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
59. Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content?
60. Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games?
61. What makes you angry?
62. What is your birthday?
63. What shoe size are you?
64. What are you strengths?
65. What is your dream job?
66. What color is your hair?
67. What color is your eyes?
68. What do your parents do?
69. What is you middle name?
70. What are your weaknesses?
71. What is your zodiac sign?
72. What’s your lucky number?
73. What perfume do you wear?
74. What are you allergic to?
75. What’s the meaning of life?
76. What is your favorite color?
77. What is your favorite accent?
78. What makes you uncomfortable?
79. What is your personality type?
80. What is your #1 favorite anime?
81. What type of music do you like?
82. What or whom do you miss right now?
83. What’s your favourite number, and why?
84. What programs do you currently have open?
85. What do you typically have for breakfast?
86. What age do people usually mistake you for?
87. What’s the most notes you’ve ever had on a post?
88. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
89. What are five things you want to do before you die?
90. What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of?

thekingspawn4:

ASK ME! Fill that inbox!

1. Where are you from?
2. Has an anime ever made you cry?
3. Post a screenshot of your tumblr activity page
4. A musical artist you love that isn’t well known?
5. How would you describe your sense of humour?
6. Would you ever give up your life to save someone else’s?
7. Did you make any resolutions for this year? What were they?
8. Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own.
9. Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 3 songs
10. Can you curl your tongue?
11. Can you do any other accents other than your own?
12. Who would be your ideal partner?
13. Who is your favorite anime character?
14. Most used word?
15. Most used phrased?
16. Inspiration behind your URL?
17. Inspiration behind your blog title?
18. Is there something you would never do?
19. Is there anything you should be doing right now?
20. Is there a song which can bring you to tears instantly?
21. If you could study anything, what would it be?
22. If money was no object, where would you move to?
23. If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
24. Have you ever online dated?
25. Have you ever been in love?
26. Have you ever had a secret admirer?
27. Favorite song?
28. Favorite food?
29. Favorite movie?
30. Favorite foreign food?
31. Are you ticklish?
32. Are you a good liar?
33. Are you pursuing your dreams?
34. Are you scared of the future?
35. Are you happy with who you are?
36. Are you a clean or messy person?
37. Are you a good judge of character?
38. Are you a very open or private person?
39. Are you more attracted to men or women?
40. How old are you?
41. How tall are you?
42. How did you get your name?
43. How many posts do you have?
44. How many posts have you liked?
45. How are you feeling right now?
46. How many followers do you have?
47. How would you like to be remembered?
48. Do you have a crush?
49. Do you want children?
50. Do you have any pets?
51. Do you play video games?
52. Do you have much of an ego?
53. Do you believe in soul mates?
54. Do you prefer to text or call? 
55. Do you suck or bite lollipops?
56. Do you like long or short hair?
57. Do actions speak louder than words?
58. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?
59. Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content?
60. Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games?
61. What makes you angry?
62. What is your birthday?
63. What shoe size are you?
64. What are you strengths?
65. What is your dream job?
66. What color is your hair?
67. What color is your eyes?
68. What do your parents do?
69. What is you middle name?
70. What are your weaknesses?
71. What is your zodiac sign?
72. What’s your lucky number?
73. What perfume do you wear?
74. What are you allergic to?
75. What’s the meaning of life?
76. What is your favorite color?
77. What is your favorite accent?
78. What makes you uncomfortable?
79. What is your personality type?
80. What is your #1 favorite anime?
81. What type of music do you like?
82. What or whom do you miss right now?
83. What’s your favourite number, and why?
84. What programs do you currently have open?
85. What do you typically have for breakfast?
86. What age do people usually mistake you for?
87. What’s the most notes you’ve ever had on a post?
88. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?
89. What are five things you want to do before you die?
90. What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of?

Fuck Life

So I haven’t been on for a long time since my boyfriends grandmother passed away. I’m back now but worse than before since my brain is just a huge fucked up mess now. Life fucking blows hardcore and I’m so done. I had known Nana for almost seven years and was way more crushed about her passing then I thought I would be. She wasn’t exactly the nicest person all of the time but she was so amazing and it feels like the world has just stopped without her. She wound up getting really weak because of the tumors in her head from her cancer. One week she was up and about and able to function and the next week she was bed ridden unable to do anything on her own and barely able to speak. She died over the course of five days and it was horrible. We brought her home on hospice and she passed away two days after getting home. We had to take care of her around the clock giving medicine, changing her, cleaning her, we had to use swabs in her mouth cuz she has thrush spreading, we had to rotate her position every two hours, and of course we had to watch her vitals slowly decrease until she slipped away. Four am in the morning she passes and our worlds all crashed to the ground. We take turns saying our goodbyes until the funeral home came to get the body. Wake and funeral done within three days and the world is just spinning in hyper speed. This spinning feeling continued for about a week when the whole world just seemed to stop. Well more like I seem to have stopped moving and the rest of the world has gone on living in a different dimension or something. While I try to keep up but no matter what I can’t seem to sync up with the rest of the world I’m just off pace and I don’t think I can fix this. My body goes through the motions of daily life but I’m just on autopilot while my mind keeps spinning and reeling while I’m trying to focus on whatever I’m attempting to do at the time. I’m not sure how long I can keep a grip on reality but I feel like I might end up losing control of everything fairly soon. This is gunna suck when I finally crash.

Feeling Unsure

So my b/f basically has caught on that I’m not really eating anymore and has made a few comments. This in turn has made me feel very conflicted. Do I ignore the fact that doing this only hurts myself and those I care about along with the fact that I have been doing worse health wise? Or do I attempt to defeat this demon that I have tried fighting many times before clearly with little success? I have tried dealing with it on my own before cuz I have always feared getting to the point where I’m nothing but skin n bones. I have used it as a coping device and have been pretty good at staying right above the danger level but lately food just doesn’t cross my mind most days. Literally I just don’t get hungry. No craving for food, no stomach pains or grumbles, and it doesn’t really cross my mind that oh I haven’t eaten maybe I should. Almost every time I do wind up eating something I end up having to force it down which usually makes me sick to my stomach. Then comes the fight to keep the food down. So this is why I’m at a crossroad here cuz in my opinion I don’t think I’m bad enough to need help cuz I do eat enough to keep me above a 15%bmi. Plus I’m small to start with so I don’t think I’m at a bad place but some days I just wish I was a normal weight to where clothes actually fit and no one would talk about how I have the perfect body or how I need to eat more or them wishing they were me. They don’t understand what I have done to be how I am now this has been years and years of restrictions and other methods they don’t wanna know about. So sometimes I like it cuz it’s always been there as my safety blanket but then again sometimes I hate it cuz it’s always been there and I feel like I might never be free.

7 Foot Midget – Family Values Lyrics

Mom and Dad, this one’s for you
How does it feel
To see your proud foundation fall?
Fucked up family
The brick wall
That you built so proudly

Tumbling down in shame
The same old story
Rotting me away
From the inside out

Mom and Dad, this one’s on you
Your crystal ball
Didn’t see this one coming
Everything’s just fine
Ignore the crime
Nothing can make you fall

Your reputation’s scratched
Tarnished with the truth
The “serpent” slipped right through
And there’s no going back
Once you’ve seen the truth

Your futile efforts to train them in tradition
Have only given way to mutiny
Always falling short of expectations
But there’s no falling from disgrace

I’m not coming home

itwillnotbeokay

"My mother warned me about cigarettes that could cause cancer
But she never told me that self-hatred can grow faster than any tumour ever could

My father warned me that I should never stop thinking
But he never told me that overthinking would kill my happiness

My sister warned me about other people who might make hurtful comments about me
But she never told me that instead of hearing someone else’s voice, I’d hear my own

My brother warned me about drugs in baggies sold on the street,
But he never told me about the ones that people put in your glass when you’re not looking

My grandmother warned me about the devil with his tail and red horns
But she never told me about his angelic smile and dark, ocean blue eyes

My grandfather warned me about booze that could kill
But he never told me that if you drink enough alcohol, it tastes like love

My cousin warned me that I should love my virginity to a guy I love
But she never told me he should love me, too

My aunt warned me that if I kept eating that much, I might vomit
But she never told me that even without eating anything, you can hang over the toilet and puke

My baby sitter warned me that a boy could break my heart
But she never told me that if I made him mad, he’d also break my arm and nose

My teacher warned me about dangerous men with knives that could cut my throat
But she never told me that I didn’t need these men to cut my skin

They all warned me that I shouldn’t do dangerous things that could kill me
But I never had the chance to ask them if slitting both of my wrists vertically
And taking thirty-eight aspirins, was one of these dangerous things.”

d.a.n. (the-fault-in-our-scars)