So my b/f basically has caught on that I’m not really eating anymore and has made a few comments. This in turn has made me feel very conflicted. Do I ignore the fact that doing this only hurts myself and those I care about along with the fact that I have been doing worse health wise? Or do I attempt to defeat this demon that I have tried fighting many times before clearly with little success? I have tried dealing with it on my own before cuz I have always feared getting to the point where I’m nothing but skin n bones. I have used it as a coping device and have been pretty good at staying right above the danger level but lately food just doesn’t cross my mind most days. Literally I just don’t get hungry. No craving for food, no stomach pains or grumbles, and it doesn’t really cross my mind that oh I haven’t eaten maybe I should. Almost every time I do wind up eating something I end up having to force it down which usually makes me sick to my stomach. Then comes the fight to keep the food down. So this is why I’m at a crossroad here cuz in my opinion I don’t think I’m bad enough to need help cuz I do eat enough to keep me above a 15%bmi. Plus I’m small to start with so I don’t think I’m at a bad place but some days I just wish I was a normal weight to where clothes actually fit and no one would talk about how I have the perfect body or how I need to eat more or them wishing they were me. They don’t understand what I have done to be how I am now this has been years and years of restrictions and other methods they don’t wanna know about. So sometimes I like it cuz it’s always been there as my safety blanket but then again sometimes I hate it cuz it’s always been there and I feel like I might never be free.